Your Succees Is Not About You

How to Dream Big Without Freaking Out

🌚 The Weekly Vibe: week of June 2-8

Another Gemini-heavy week, which is by no means a bad time! Most of this week we’re enjoying the conjunction of Sun and Venus, which draw more attention to our relationships, creative expression, art and finances. They’re both in Gemini, which is not an emotional placement, so my guess is we all are experiencing curiosity around these matters, having a lot of conversations to gather data and clarity on how we want our relationships, finances and artistic expression to look. Have those DTR conversations, reach out to a financial advisor or interior decorator, whatever is on your plate.

On Thursday we have a New Moon - a time to set intentions for the month and think of what new endeavors we’re taking on. It’s square Saturn, the planet of structure, stability and limitations, so there’s a bit of conflict that emerges around the topic. Perhaps, a way to work with it is as you set your intentions, can you be very specific and granular? Are you considering the commitments you’ve made already? Some New Moons are very big-picture heavy, this one is the opposite.

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Early this week I had a session with my mentor. I wanted to dial in on a long-term vision for my coaching and astrology practice more clearly. I felt like I had a lot of fundamentals in place - there is a big why to my work, the commitment to constant training and learning, the idea of types of clients I can serve best and just plain willingness to keep going even on a crappy day, even when it feels like I’m spinning my wheels with no significant output.

At the same time, I found myself struggling to give my vision a concrete shape. Like, how many clients a day would I like to see? How many hours a week would I like to cap it at? How much money would I like to make? I have ideas for this role outside of seeing clients one-on-one, but what exactly are they?

These questions left me frozen. As I thought of my work - the thing that truly brings me so much joy and meaning - I was essentially afraid to dream big.

Before I could even name a specific goal (by no means a grandiose one, just a small goal that thousands of other people have achieved), my brain was ready with a list of reasons why it couldn’t happen. “I don’t know enough people”, “that’s not how things work in this world”, “I know I can be a great coach but running my own practice is a different set of skills I am not sure I have?” Trying to crystalize on my vision with details from a physical reality felt so cringe.

As I kept combing through all this evidence why I wouldn’t be able to succeed, my mentor gently invited me to look away from what I felt like I was lacking at the moment and toward the core of the work I am trying to do - to be of service to others. Instantly, the chatter in my brain began to lift like a morning fog.

You see, when we set out to do something big, it is rarely about ourselves.

Sure, we initially come from a selfish place, no matter how selfless the vision is. This is the only sane approach. We do important things, first and foremost, because they make us feel good. They pique our interest, they allow us to be creative, they sometimes even make us money which we can spend on life’s little pleasures. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But at the core of every vision, no matter how good it makes us feel, we all have a desire and a need for a contribution. Success is meaningless when there’s nobody to share it with. It is when we forget about it, even for a split second, we get into trouble.

When I step back from what I want to get and focus on what I want to give, suddenly, some goals feel like a no-brainer. The insecurities don’t have as much of a hold on me. The tangible goals I attach to my mission aren’t about how good I am at something, they are about how much I care for this world to be a happier place. Goal setting is not an invitation to judge myself for how close or far I am from my vision. Goal setting is an invitation to celebrate the life force within me.

It took me a few days after the meeting to put some concrete numbers on a piece of paper. I know the list will keep evolving as I go along, but one thing I realized - these numbers are not about what I want to get. They are about what I am willing to give.

I invite you to look inward and explore where you’ve been cutting yourself short. What gifts are you gatekeeping from the world? Where are you making things be about you (for worse) when they are not?

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How Might I Support You?

How are you doing with your life vision? Your chart’s placements can offer some sweet guidance (and a ton of reassurance) for where you are headed.

I know you have what it takes to live a big life, and make the contribution you are here to make. It would be my honor to support you along the way.

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🌝 On a Lighter Note

🎬 I’ve been telling anyone who would listen about Stutz on Netflix lately, a documentary about Jonah Hill’s therapist Phil Stutz. It’s a series of convos filled to the bream with practical tools, but it’s also full of vulnerability, love and humanity. And, if you have seen it, here’s a perfect recap of the tools that could even be worth bookmarking.

🎙️I’ve never listened to Armchair Expert, but a new friend shared a link to this episode with a neurosurgeon James Doty on the science of manifestation that intrigued me enough to give it a try. To my not-so surprise, so much of what he talked about is the essence of my work as an ontological coach. It’s not about some ‘woo-woo energy,’ it’s about how our brains are wired and how we can learn to work the system.

👯 The case for making ‘errand dates’ with friends a thing. We spent the long weekend visiting friends in another city, and mostly it felt like we were just running errands together the entire time. Which, seriously, felt so good, chill and like it could be a good indicator of a below-the-surface relationship with someone.

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Not Retrograde is a newsletter about the beauty and complexities of life on Earth, from an astrological perspective. Subscribe and share with a friend. Questions or topics you’d like to see covered in the future? Hit reply to reach me directly.